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What If All Landlords Suddenly Decided to Do Things Legally, Ethically, and Like They Actually Gave a Toss?
Imagine it: a crisp Tuesday morning. The birds are chirping, the kettle’s on, and your landlord… behaves.
Not just “answers your text” behaves, we’re talking fully legal, ethically sound, compassion-fuelled landlording.
No threats. No ghosting. No mildew-based lifeforms in the ceiling. Just pure, law-abiding rent-for-shelter exchange.
Welcome to the Twilight Zone. Or as tenants call it, a hallucination.
1. Deposits Protected Within 30 Days… Every Time
In this brave new world, landlords don’t vanish after the bank transfer clears.
Your deposit? Properly protected in a government-approved scheme.
You even get the Prescribed Information without having to file a missing persons report or send six chasers.
Reality Check:
In actual UK law (Housing Act 2004), failure to protect your deposit = up to 3x compensation. But most tenants don’t know that. And landlords love that you don’t know.
In this utopia? Everyone knows. And landlords are scared. As they should be.
2. Every HMO Licensed. Fire Safety? Not Optional.
All HMOs are licensed. Every. Single. One.
No more “oh we didn’t know there were five people,” or “technically that’s a cupboard, not a bedroom.”
There are smoke alarms. There are fire doors. There are standards.
Reality Check:
If you’re sharing with 3+ people and it’s not licensed, that’s illegal. But still, unlicensed HMOs multiply like mushrooms in a damp cellar.
In this alternate timeline? Council officers are welcomed in with biscuits, not blocked at the door by a lettings agent with a fake name.
3. Repairs Done Before Tenants Develop Asthma
Here, landlords fix things… without being begged, threatened, or legally cornered.
Imagine: a broken boiler gets repaired this week. Not after six months, 22 emails, and a tribunal hearing.
The mould? It’s treated. The leak? Sealed.
No more blaming tenants for “not opening windows during a blizzard.”
Reality Check:
Landlords have a legal duty under Section 11 of the Landlord and Tenant Act 1985. Repairs aren’t optional. Ignoring them is harassment.
But in this world? Repairs happen. Like magic. Like… decency.
4. No More Revenge Evictions or Fake Section 21s
Section 21 notices only come out after the landlord has followed every legal step:
Deposit protected.
Gas safety checked.
“How to Rent” guide given.
Improvement Notices respected.
No more weaponised evictions because you reported damp or dared to say “that’s not my job.”
Reality Check:
You cannot serve a valid Section 21 if a deposit is unprotected or if an Improvement Notice is active. But many landlords try it anyway, because tenants are scared and unaware.
In Utopia?
Tenants know their rights. And so do landlords. The only “notice” they serve is: We fixed the roof.
5. Letting Agents Stop Being Human Shields
In this fantasy realm, landlords can’t hide behind their letting agents and go,
“Oh, I didn’t know they did that. I’m just the owner.”
No. You’re responsible. You hired them. You profit from the rent.
You own the consequences.
Reality Check:
Legally, landlords are still accountable for the acts of their agents. But in the real world, they play dumb. In this version? Accountability exists. Shocking.
6. Tenants Treated as… Humans.
No intimidation. No passive-aggressive messages.
No illegal demands to vacate because “my niece might want to move in.”
Tenants are spoken to like people. Not pests. Not squatters. Not liabilities.
They are recognised as paying customers in contractual agreements with rights.
And for once, they feel like they live in a home.
A Tenant Writes a Repair Request
And instead of being ignored, threatened, or gaslit… the landlord replies:
> “Thanks for letting me know. I’ve booked a contractor for Friday. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
The tenant collapses in shock. Emergency services are called.
What Would Happen If This Were Real?
Let’s be honest, most property portfolios would implode if even half of this were enforced.
Letting agents would need retraining. Half the landlords would vanish.
And tenants?
They’d stop needing law degrees, trauma counselling, or tenant unions just to survive a tenancy.
Which brings us to this:
You’re Not Just a Tenant And You Never Were
I didn’t write this just to be funny (although if you laughed, good).
I wrote it because for thousands of us, this “utopia” isn’t just a joke, it’s the contrast to the real nightmare we’ve lived.
I’ve been threatened for reporting mould.
I’ve had rent refused after paying faithfully.
I’ve watched agents lie, landlords vanish, and the law get twisted in broad daylight.
I’ve studied the laws most people don’t even know exist, not because I wanted to, but because I had to.
So if you’re a tenant reading this, I want you to know:
You have rights. You have value. And even if the system tries to make you feel powerless, you are not.
Because the moment tenants start learning, sharing, supporting each other and saying “enough”…
Landlords won’t need to imagine this ethical future.
They’ll need to catch up with it.
Know someone going through housing hell? Share this with them.
Let’s normalize ethical renting by making unethical landlords very, very uncomfortable.
The Toolbox: 9 Ways to Fight Back Without Moving to Mars
- Shelter England – england.shelter.org.uk — 0808 800 4444.
- Citizens Advice Redditch & Bromsgrove – citizensadviceredditch.org.uk.
- TSUK Letters Templates – TenantSupportUK.com
- ACORN Community Union – acorntheunion.org.uk.
- Generation Rent – generationrent.org.
- Renters Reform Coalition – rentersreformcoalition.co.uk.
- Housing Ombudsman Service – housing-ombudsman.org.uk.
- Redditch Borough Council Housing Solutions – redditchbc.gov.uk/housing or call 01527 587 000.
- Tenancy Deposit Schemes – depositprotection.com (DPS) • tenancydepositscheme (TDS) • mydeposits.co.uk (MyDeposits)
Tenant Support UK
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